Saturday, February 24, 2018
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Trailor of "Barn of the Blood Llama"
Barn of Blood Llama from kirk- O-Matic on Vimeo.
you should visit this site for all thangs gibby
http://realruralworld.blogspot.com/index.htmlMore on Barn of the Blood Llama from Kelley Swinney
Part of interview conducted with neighbors of the World-0-Wool Llama Ranch.
Long time resident W. D. Forty recalls
"Dr. Roger Albert was the self proclaimed Hackel County Animal Corner. You would always see him pulled over on the side of the road examining road kill. You know dead deer, dogs, and armadillos. Albert claimed it was some cult dumping them on the highway. Hell, he wasn't filing liens on people property like that nut over in Fort Davis or saying there was some spaceship behind some Comet!"
Justiceburg Old timers Guido Carp and Jim Bob Jumpback remember the Jacobi Brothers.
Jim Bob- " In the Jacobi Brother's family tree"
Guido-" More like a brush, if you ask me".
Jim Bob- "It's true, they only had one set of Grandparents but the boys was as harmless as a skunk that been fixed"
Guido-"Harmless until Dr. Albert showed up"
Jim Bob- "Jug was the smart one, if you can call any of them smart. I mean to say, compared to Gibby, Jug was a Rockofeller"
Guido-"He means to say, he was an Einstein, Rockofeller was the one with all the money"
Jim Bob-" No, I don't mean to say he was a Einstein or a Rockofeller, hell none of them boys never had no 'cents' and you can spell that with a C or a S".
Guido-" Jim Bob's right about that, you see, it was all about money".
Jim Bob- "It always is".
Guido- "Albert wasn't satisfied with just wool colored, He wanted all kind of colors".
Jim Bob-" Yeah, Albert liked bright colors. Hell at Texas A&M they grow colored cotton and maroon carrots. The doc, he claimed to have a Hoof and Mouth Degree from Texas A&M, but word around here was it was a mail order degree from Haiti".
Guido- "Dr. Albert, he was the kink in the knot".
Jim Bob-"Carp means to say Albert was the kink in the rope".
Guido- "He was kinky all right, especial around them Llamas".
Jim Bob- "He ain't the first one to get caught standing on a milking stool".
Guido- " If you ask me Albert was preying on them boys".
Jim Bob-" When that no hit Johnny Bock showed up in town, that's when the trouble started".
Guido- "Yeah, Bock had one of them guitars that plugged into the wall, like a toaster, damnest thing you every saw. They used to play his one record down at the Greasy Squeeze".
Jim Bob- "The Greasy Squeeze is our local teen hang out".
haven't been down there oh in a yars, ever sinced they towed the
taco truck away
More later
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Flickfilospher
Barn of the Blood Llama
Austin is home to some mighty strange folks.
There's the delightfully demented guys from the
Austin Lounge Lizards, who will regale you will
songs like "Teenage Immigrant Welfare Mothers on
Drugs," "Love in a Refrigerator Box," and
"Leonard Cohen's Day Job." And there's filmmaker
Kevin West, who, with Barn of the Blood Llama,
proves that he should be kept far from sharp objects
and woolly creatures.
Barn of the Blood Llama -- written (with Kirk
Hunter) and directed by the Austin-based West -- is
the probably the most awful movie I've ever seen. I
mean that in the best way possible. Shot on more
film stocks than Oliver Stone ever dreamed of and
"dubbed in English," Barn is chock full of
everything a Texas-size hunk of exploitation needs:
cheap trampy girls in a convertible!
rock-star hitchhikers!
fast food!
bad acting!
llama funerals!
brain transplantation!
haggis!*
Allow yourself to be drawn into a nightmare of
wool ranching and cheesy filmmaking. Dr. Albert,
the animal coroner and, er, animal lover, is
conducting ungodly experiments out at the World of
Wool llama ranch/bowling ball-buffing service run
by redneck inbreds Jug and Gibby. In an
unfortunate side effect of the good doctor's
scientific search for the formula for Day-Glo wool,
the llamas are now suffering from male berserk
syndrome, which doesn't bear going into. Suffice to
say it's a great excuse for the llamas' random attacks
on young women and propensity for spitting toxic
cud.
This art is done by Casey Hunter
Another Vhs and T-shirt art, taken from actual blessySue portrait
Of course, there are plenty of scantily clad
young women around to be devoured in terrible FX
sequences, as well as a washed-up, dumb-as-a-brick
rock-star named Bock who foolishly allows Dr.
Albert to experiment upon him.
Barn of the Blood Llama offers a public
service as well -- it's filled with philosophy you can
use, quotables you'll find yourself spouting
endlessly: "Rock stars: you can't trust 'em as far as
you can kick 'em." "Kids today aren't happy unless
something's on fire." And of course, "Nothing like a
cool glass of llama buttermilk on a hot day."
Have I mentioned how bizarre this film is? The
description above cannot truly convey the
(intentionally) hilarious ridiculousness that is Barn
of the Blood Llama. Even fans of Roger Corman
and early Sam Raimi (Evil Dead) will not be
prepared for it. The guys at Mystery Science
Theater 3000 would shudder in gleeful horror.
Where can you, the unsuspecting film fan, see
this movie? Well, you can't -- not yet. Maybe Gravy
Films, West's production company, is currently
soliciting distribution offers. But you can get a taste
at the film's Web site, here. Check it out... if you
dare.
*hey, don't knock it till you've tried it
Amended 07.07.99
Kevin West reports that "we've managed to get a
showing in Manchester, England in March 2000 and
are about to sign with an Australian distributor," so
somebody's gonna get to see Barn. For those of
you not planning on flying to the U.K. or Down
Under, you can check out a streaming version of the
flick at The Bijou Cafe -- you can also purchase a
video copy there. Don't say you weren't warned.
The Flick Filosopher |
flickfilos@aol.com
Austin is home to some mighty strange folks.
There's the delightfully demented guys from the
Austin Lounge Lizards, who will regale you will
songs like "Teenage Immigrant Welfare Mothers on
Drugs," "Love in a Refrigerator Box," and
"Leonard Cohen's Day Job." And there's filmmaker
Kevin West, who, with Barn of the Blood Llama,
proves that he should be kept far from sharp objects
and woolly creatures.
Barn of the Blood Llama -- written (with Kirk
Hunter) and directed by the Austin-based West -- is
the probably the most awful movie I've ever seen. I
mean that in the best way possible. Shot on more
film stocks than Oliver Stone ever dreamed of and
"dubbed in English," Barn is chock full of
everything a Texas-size hunk of exploitation needs:
cheap trampy girls in a convertible!
rock-star hitchhikers!
fast food!
bad acting!
llama funerals!
brain transplantation!
haggis!*
Allow yourself to be drawn into a nightmare of
wool ranching and cheesy filmmaking. Dr. Albert,
the animal coroner and, er, animal lover, is
conducting ungodly experiments out at the World of
Wool llama ranch/bowling ball-buffing service run
by redneck inbreds Jug and Gibby. In an
unfortunate side effect of the good doctor's
scientific search for the formula for Day-Glo wool,
the llamas are now suffering from male berserk
syndrome, which doesn't bear going into. Suffice to
say it's a great excuse for the llamas' random attacks
on young women and propensity for spitting toxic
cud.
This art is done by Casey Hunter
Another Vhs and T-shirt art, taken from actual blessySue portrait
Of course, there are plenty of scantily clad
young women around to be devoured in terrible FX
sequences, as well as a washed-up, dumb-as-a-brick
rock-star named Bock who foolishly allows Dr.
Albert to experiment upon him.
Barn of the Blood Llama offers a public
service as well -- it's filled with philosophy you can
use, quotables you'll find yourself spouting
endlessly: "Rock stars: you can't trust 'em as far as
you can kick 'em." "Kids today aren't happy unless
something's on fire." And of course, "Nothing like a
cool glass of llama buttermilk on a hot day."
Have I mentioned how bizarre this film is? The
description above cannot truly convey the
(intentionally) hilarious ridiculousness that is Barn
of the Blood Llama. Even fans of Roger Corman
and early Sam Raimi (Evil Dead) will not be
prepared for it. The guys at Mystery Science
Theater 3000 would shudder in gleeful horror.
Where can you, the unsuspecting film fan, see
this movie? Well, you can't -- not yet. Maybe Gravy
Films, West's production company, is currently
soliciting distribution offers. But you can get a taste
at the film's Web site, here. Check it out... if you
dare.
*hey, don't knock it till you've tried it
Amended 07.07.99
Kevin West reports that "we've managed to get a
showing in Manchester, England in March 2000 and
are about to sign with an Australian distributor," so
somebody's gonna get to see Barn. For those of
you not planning on flying to the U.K. or Down
Under, you can check out a streaming version of the
flick at The Bijou Cafe -- you can also purchase a
video copy there. Don't say you weren't warned.
The Flick Filosopher |
flickfilos@aol.com
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